


wasted & alone (fire alarms & losing you)

by doubt



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eating Disorders, Flashbacks, Gen, Murder, Psychosis, Repression, Self-Mutilation, Suicide, Trans Tyler - Freeform, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, also lol its a wall of text so, baby boy josh, deadnaming, emeto, family dysfunction, if u cant find it its in paragraph 15 or 16 stay safe kids, if u squint, romanticizing murder, suffocation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 03:24:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6937744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubt/pseuds/doubt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the ambulance wont come for a little dead boy on the dining room floor</p>
            </blockquote>





	wasted & alone (fire alarms & losing you)

**Author's Note:**

> triggrs r taggd lack of capitalization nd punctuation r intended ths is mosly a vent fic cuz i relapsd recently and ive been havin nightmares fights w my mom as it turns out she isnt gonna buy me tix 2 21p lmao shits been fuckin crazy also jordan dies in this and it bothers me title is frm death valley by m boyfs fav band and im gonna go kill myself but hey ive been really excited to post this since yday morning gues it ws good while it lasted enjoy comment leav kudos etc

tyler carves his name into his skin to remind himself that hes real but it doesnt hurt so does he exist he cuts out chunks of flesh and it still doesnt hurt he didnt think so

jem wake up its his brothers voice he hates his brother hes so irritating two years younger than him but almost as tall twice as smart much more athletic everyone loves him zack is a better person than tyler ever couldve been

jem zack yells again but hes wrong hes not yelling at jem jems dead in the ground has been for a year or more is never coming back this is tyler and tylers about to join her dead in a muddy hole in the ground with no plaque just a mound of dirt and a wilting flower he wont be remembered the same way he remembers everything

zack stop calling him that his name is blurry but tylers mom is wrong hes not blurry blurry is the low voice in his head that tells him to kill himself blurry yells at his siblings parents teachers everyone even josh blurry is the confident boy who doesnt care about anyones feelings blurry killed jem and now jem is dead and tyler is too

blurry yelled at tylers mom the first night after jem died stop calling me blurry mom blurry is a murderer tyler isnt a murderer tyler is a fucked up little boy stuck inside his head wont wake up this isnt a dream hes dying fast his arm is red but the cuts stand out nobody bothers to look at the words they form nobody knows that hes tyler not blurry blurry is dead blurry killed himself and tried to kill tyler too but tyler isnt dead

blurry annaliese joseph wake up tylers name isnt annaliese blurrys name isnt annaliese jems name was annaliese but now that jem is dead annaliese is too annaliese was never a person in the first place annaliese was just a name on a legal document jemma annaliese joseph born december first nineteen eighty eight put in a coffin in two thousand one but hes still here not dead just asleep wake him up he needs to go to school he didnt finish his math homework for no reason

maddy throws a bucket of water at tyler tyler remembers his mom throwing his shoes at him to wake him up that one time he fell asleep in his binder his ribs were bruised he couldnt go to school but he still did and fell asleep in math they took him to the hospital he wasnt eating properly they shoved a tube into his stomach and fed him through that he hated it he just wanted to go home and when he went home he tried to kill himself and ended up back at the hospital he just wanted to go home

his face is wet and his eyes are open jay is crying because hes still asleep but his eyes are open tylers mom calls his dad dad is interstate chris please come back blurry is dead tyler doesnt want to see dad he calls him jem even when he corrects him tyler is a little girl doing starjumps to chris when he was four and sad his dad got him to yell im a happy girl and do starjumps he hates starjumps they make him look ridiculous and remind him of when his dad was right about him being a little girl

his dad bought him his guitar tyler never learnt how to play the guitar he broke the strings and demanded a keyboard he was six and dying tylers mom is crying she doesnt know what to do her little boy is dead tyler was never his moms little boy he hates her she never loved him she hurt him she threw his shoes at him when he was sleeping and threatened to kill him because she was sick of his complaining mom im hungry she didnt care she wanted him to go away and die in the end tyler died but he didnt go away why isnt she throwing him away like she did with the lizard she didnt tell tyler when the lizard died he found out by accident

blurry is dead but blurry shouts im not dead im asleep jay cries harder zack runs back downstairs and stares at blurrys body for hours and hours and hours blurry is dead again jem is the one shouting tyler wants his body back theyre supposed to be dead he killed them he killed his whole family why are they staring at him why wont jem and blurry go back to being dead this is his body they arent supposed to take over theyre dead

tylers dad gets back in the morning hes tired and his mom is on edge looking at tylers body why didnt they call an ambulance before he died why are they staring at him jem his dad asks but hes wrong jem is alive jem is playing outside with a basketball too big for her four foot tall body and zack is chasing her jem trips zack because she hates him and wants him to stop chasing her now zack is crying daddy goes outside and yells at both of them neither of them got dinner that night they were sent to their rooms tyler misses those days but he doesnt know why he misses them they were miserable and he is still scared of police officers blue leather belts and beer

at lunchtime tylers mom gets up and goes to his room he is still on the floor why havent they told anyone that hes dead its been half a day his dad is making a phone call to his uncle his uncle is a paramedic and he is at work why is dad calling him they never got along and hes at work what can he do the ambulance wont come for a little dead boy on the dining room floor

tyler told kelly to not ever go in his room even after he died kelly didnt respond and now she is in his room its a mess she cant go in but she does anyway and sits on her dead oldest sons bed and thinks about how her little girl is gone but she is wrong her little girl is outside she just tripped her brother again he has a bloody nose and her little girl is laughing she doesnt care about zacks broken nose she just wants him to stop chasing her her little boy is the one who just killed himself but for what reason even tyler himself doesnt know kellys little girl didnt kill herself kelly did

he is the oldest and he had never had friends at school except jenna and josh but jenna tried to kill herself jenna got taken out of school jenna still called him a girl jem she but jem died before jenna even met him he wasnt blurry or tyler when he met jenna but jem had already died he forgot who met jenna was it cade cade died when jenna died cade was all jennas jennas little baby girl jenna was depressed and told everyone and everyone believed her so she killed herself cade was psychotic and told everyone and no one believed her so she killed herself they were buried together cade and jenna jenna had never called cade that she was always jem jem jem

josh was shy small and silent he had a menthol flavored smile and baby curls the same color as tylers baby clothes scratchy and shaved on the sides tyler would pull at it when either of them were nervous he remembers bossing around josh pushing him into the mattress almost drowning him in the sheets his sheets were the same color as his skin josh loved being drowned josh wanted to die tyler killed his baby boy because he couldnt kill himself he didnt feel bad because it was what josh wanted

he remembers josh biting his lip until it bled tyler would lick the blood off and shove his tongue down his throat he remembers all joshs bad relationships bruises and scars and the gun his baby boy kept in the second drawer of his fathers desk he remembers josh crying into his shoulder his brother had died his father had found the gun and mommy was gone he remembers joshs bad habits buying disposable razors just to pick out the blades forcing his fingers or tylers tongue too far down his throat coming up with ways to get his father dead because he killed his brother then one day he woke up to daddy hanging in his office but jordan still dead he remembers josh being in hospital his blood was mixed with diet coke in a pool on his living room floor the dog had bit his sisters arm they were in beds next to each other and joshs cousin drove herself and tyler and abbie to see them he remembers wishing at eleven eleven that josh would get better and he would get worse and telling josh about the wish he remembers when it came true and josh didnt need him but he still stuck around he remembers killing josh drowning him in his bedsheets or did he suffocate him in his bathtub he doesnt remember killing josh but he wants to

he loved josh the warmth tyler could smell on his skin his glazed brown eyes strings of sunset hair he loved being with josh they would push shopping carts down hills and use joshs cousins id card to buy power tools he loved breaking josh into tiny pieces then gluing him back together with pva he found in the art room he added confetti and sparkly sequins for effect he loved hurting the people who hurt josh breaking their heads open and mending them sloppily nothing like the way he mended his baby boy they didnt deserve to be cared for he loved hurting josh and josh loved being hurt josh loved it when tyler hurt people who hurt him pulling their lungs out kicking them over joshs head like soccer balls josh loved being broken then glued back together when the art teacher asked tyler where her pva glue was he shrugged and joshs stomach would go mushy josh loved being with tyler drilling nails into their heads and tattooing their legs they belonged to each other josh loved tyler josh loved it when tyler killed him and brought him back to life he would watch from the ceiling and his soul would rush back into his body once his eyes were open josh still loved tyler even after he killed him for the last time when tyler brought his head back up his teeth were still hooked over his bottom lip his last breath had been a sigh of pleasure josh loved it when tyler pushed him into the mattress and drowned him josh loved it when tyler called him his baby boy and bit at his neck and pulled him closer they cried together because everyone hated them and they hated themselves too

tyler still hates everyone even though hes dead even though blurry and jem are dead even cade is dead was cade even alive in the first place or did she die with jenna tyler doesnt know but hes back with josh his family are still broken zacks nose is still broken maddy is still holding an empty bucket jay is still crying so hard he feels sick kelly still misses her little girl chris is still staring at the body of the son he never had but now tyler is back with his baby boy and if josh is happy then so is he

**Author's Note:**

> iv got som smut that m writing but its currently gt no paragraphs punctuation or correct spelling so idk if i should publish it like that or i should edit it firs which wld yal prefer 2 read
> 
> i actually might b writin a lot f smut nd cute shippy stuf cuz i hav a massive crush on ths rl pretty boy in 2 of my classes (both of which im failing nd hes probly gettin As in) and i gotta vent abt hw much i wanna fuck him nd how al th girls @ my school also like him bt then again i mite get up th guts 2 ask him out and hope 2 gosh he swings tht way in which case i wont b writin il prolly be gettn my ass pounded il tel ya more l8r?
> 
> ALSO 4 [INQUIRIES](http://joshuadun.co.vu) i had 2 remake my tumblr cuz i deleted it by accident or on a whim i cant remembr bt n e ways its back hmu on there i lov friends (if yr on mobile its pizzaparty) prol wont reply that quick tho cuz im back @ school nd my mum wont let me go 2 my dads at all ever like im literally only allowed out th house 4 school ths is y i want 2 die i fckn hate school s o much
> 
> lmao im in homeroom rn i wouldLove Deat h im so fucking miserable


End file.
